I had my first reality check this week. I was having junk food cravings on Wednesday, badly. I could have gone to the gym to get my mind off the cravings. I could have worked on my knitting (yes, I’m an 80-year-old in a 26-year-old’s body) to keep my hands busy.
So what did I do? I stuffed my face with tortilla chips (organic multigrain, not that it makes it any better) and salsa. Chips and salsa are my weakness. Forget cookies or cake — I would literally (OK, probably) kill for chips and salsa.
Those chips tasted damn good. As I ate, all I could think was, “This is so worth it.” But you know what? After I finished licking the crumbs from the bowl, I felt guilty. True, I didn’t eat three-quarters of the bag in one sitting, nor did I follow the chips-and-salsa pig-out with more junk food.
Still, though, I was disappointed in myself. It was like a horrific flashback to my old, unhealthy eating binges (more on that in a future post).
My friends will tell you that I’m usually a huge pessimist, which you’ve probably already ascertained from my writing. But instead of taking my usual glass-half-empty approach, I actually started thinking positively. This “cheat” made me all the more motivated to pick myself up and get back on track. I didn’t want to undo all of the healthy eating and exercise I’d done over the past few weeks. So maybe, just maybe, this little cheat was worth it, thanks to that little beacon of positivity that came from it.
The big test came last night. My boyfriend, who is sick as a dog right now, asked me to make him Kraft Dinner for supper. Like chips and salsa (and Junior Mints), Kraft Dinner used to be another favourite dish of mine, so having to cook it and not eat was, to say the least, torturous. In my head, I pictured myself standing over the stove, shoveling Kraft Dinner into my mouth while any thoughts of healthy eating flew right out the window.
I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t tempted. Oh, I was. But all I had was one little spoonful. Just that one little taste was enough for me. Instead, I enjoyed a veggie stir-fry and brown rice for dinner.
I beat you, Kraft Dinner. And next time, I’ll beat those chips and salsa, too.