Most of the time, I don’t care that I’m paler than Edward Cullen (yes, I just made a Twilight joke — deal with it). I mean, I could apply self-tanner if I really wanted to, but ain’t nobody got time for that.
So, a few months ago, I bought an online deal for an airbrush spray tan, which I finally redeemed this week. I didn’t think I was that orange until my boyfriend started singing, “Oompa Loompa, doopa dee do…” when I walked through the door. Of course, I laughed, but inside, I felt kind of shitty.
Earlier this week, I was feelin’ great. The scale was my friend. My confidence was renewed. Hell, I even spouted some motivational words in my last few posts, something I rarely do. But the last few days have been tough on me emotionally, and it’s wreaked havoc on my healthy eating.
I’ve been super down all week, which scares me because I don’t know if it’s just a blue day or if the depression that plagued me for so many years is creeping back. (I like to think it’s just a blue day and this weekend will bring sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.)
I’ve barely been home all week, too, which means I’ve been eating out. A lot. I’ve been trying to eat as clean as possible, but sometimes it’s hard to find a healthy alternative in restaurants, let alone a clean-eating one. That, coupled with stress, anxiety and my stupid toe bothering me, has left me feeling, well, defeated.
I know I’ve made great progress so far (hurrah!), but I have had several consecutive fat days this week. Yes, I’m 16 pounds lighter and more toned, but let’s be realistic here: I am still a fat girl. I still need to shop in the plus-size section. I still have back rolls. My thighs still chafe from rubbing together. Sigh.
I’m not going to let this defeatist attitude stop me, don’t get me wrong. My confidence has just been shaky at best this week, and the Oompa Loompa joke did not help. (I know shit like this is why guys think women are crazy. In this case, I don’t disagree with them.)
Even though I bear a striking resemblance to a carrot as of late, I am going to try and re-gain my confidence. How do y’all manage when you’ve been having a string of all-too-familiar fat days?