The return of the dreaded fat-girl photo

In the grand scheme of all things wedding, my ever-fluctuating weight isn’t a huge factor…

…until dress shopping.

Despite being engaged for all of 10 seconds, I have already gone dress shopping, accompanying my friends who are also getting married soon. I wasn’t planning on trying anything on because a) I would rather stick fire pokers in my eyes than try on clothes, let alone intricate wedding dresses and b) I really, really, REALLY hate wearing dresses. (If it was appropriate to wear jeans and a hoodie every day, I’d be all over that like a fat kid on a Smartie.)

Much to my dismay, the sales associates at the bridal store and my friends insisted that I try on at least one dress (thanks, girls!). I finally caved, figuring that at the very least, I could get an idea of which rolls needed the most camouflaging.

I tried on a dress that actually did a decent job of holding in the flub (no easy task), and I thought it looked pretty good — until I saw a photo that my friend had taken of me in the dress.

A dreaded fat girl photo.

I’m not quite sure how it happened. (OK, I’m pretty sure it was the many, many caesars and nachos I enjoyed on various patios this summer.) But somehow, I managed to re-gain a significant amount of weight without realizing it. As I’ve said before, it’s pretty simple, really: bitch got lazy.

Seeing that photo made me want to dive straight for the Cheetos and eat my way into a trans fat oblivion. Rolls everywhere. Body parts bulging out of the dress. Triple chins. I’m already uncomfortable with the idea of having all eyes on me at my wedding. I don’t want to add to that by worrying about which seam is going to pop open first.

Not only that, but many of the dresses I actually liked weren’t available in my size, and I was left with only a few tarp-like frocks to choose from. This is one of the few times I actually cursed my bootay.

Finding a wedding dress is tough. Finding a dress for someone who hates wearing dresses is tougher. Finding a dress at this size is damn near impossible. Let’s just say my motivation to lose weight has kicked up a notch.

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2 thoughts on “The return of the dreaded fat-girl photo

  1. You should come to Weight Watchers with me on Thursdays at lunch time. It’s right downtown! I’ve been trying to lose the last of this babyweight for longer than Alice has even been alive :p

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