I’m ba-ack

Well, it’s been a while–almost a whole year, to be exact–and yes, I’m still fat.

I don’t really have a good excuse for not posting–or losing the chub–over the past year. Yes, I’ve been busy with work, freelance work, wedding planning and buying a house (!), but I thrive on working myself into the ground. It’s just how I roll.

Truth be told, I can attribute part of it to some medical issues I’ve been dealing with, but that’s a lame excuse and I won’t bore you with details. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I’m heading full-swing into fat-busting once again so I don’t have to waddle down the aisle in September, and boy, do I have my work cut out for me. I reached an all-time high of 260 pounds, meaning I had literally doubled in size since high school. Ugh, I know.

fat

Since January 5, I’ve lost almost 13 pounds, simply by eating healthy and exercising again. My goal is to lose 60 pounds by the time my wedding rolls around, which I think is more than reasonable in eight months. In related news, no more nacho pig-out fests for me in the foreseeable future.

I’m back, bitches. You ready for me?

The dreaded weekly weigh-in: week 11

Starting weight – 229.6 lbs
Last week – 211.6 lbs
This week – 209.2 lbs

Total weight lost – 20.4 lbs

Go, fat girl, it’s your birthday! I’m happy to reach the 20-pound mark, but kind of sad that a lot of my recent weight loss is probably muscle loss while I’m on hiatus from the gym/boot camp/Zumba. Le sigh.

On the plus side, I’ve taken on some new freelance clients, who are definitely keepin’ me busy. This week, I worked over 30 hours for one client alone (hence the lack of blog posts). Let’s just say that coffee has been a staple in my diet for the past few days.

Also exciting (to me, anyway): My boyfriend bought the juicer! I can’t wait to make me some veggie juice.

Here’s to keeping my sanity during this busy time! Cheers!

Give me the juice!

Hi, my name is Andrea and I’m addicted to vegetable juice.

No, really, I’m on a massive veggie juice kick — not some stupid “lose 12 pounds in a week” gimmicky detox diet or fast or anything. I just really, really dig veggie juice.

I hated it for the longest time. Drink ground-up salad? No thanks, I’d rather bathe with a toaster. But once I reached adulthood, my tastebuds must have changed. I went through a ridiculous amount of tomato juice before I ventured into hardcore-veggie-drinking territory.

With a sea of Chinese and lame chain restaurants in my work area, there isn’t much I can eat without blowing my meal plan. But my coworker just informed me of a little café hidden in a nearby office building. In addition to a slew of I-can’t-believe-these-are-healthy salads, wraps and smoothies, my new favourite haunt also serves veggie juice. Lots and lots of veggie juice. I’m in clean-eating heaven!

My favourite combo? Carrot, beet and cucumber. I still don’t like super-carrot-heavy juices because, quite frankly, they taste like camel piss (not an exact description). Beets, however, sweeten the juice — although I don’t really need any extra sweetener because I’m sweet enough already (*boom*tish*). Also amazing in juice? Spinach, believe it or not. I’ll throw a handful of it into my fruit smoothies because 1) it adds a bazillion nutrients and 2) you can’t even taste it, so it’s also a staple in my veggie juices.

Yesterday, my boyfriend told me he’s going to use part of his bonus to buy a juicer, so now I’ll be able to juice my little heart out at home. I knew there was a reason I’m keeping him around.

Anyone have any recipe suggestions for a juicin’ noob?

The dreaded weekly weigh-in: week 10

Starting weight – 229.6 lbs
Last week – 213.4 lbs
This week – 211.6 lbs

Total weight lost – 18 lbs

Uh, hell yeah! I had another bad week, food-wise, thanks to my boyfriend’s birthday celebrations. (Don’t worry, babe, I won’t hold it against you…unless you keep leaving the toilet seat up, too.) A rather conservative list of the junk I inhaled this week:

  • Lasagna dinner at the boyfriend’s mom’s house
  • An embarrassing amount of chocolate cake with lots o’ icing
  • German buffet dinner with schnitzel, potato salad, spaetzle — the works

Oh, and that’s not counting the Big Mac and fries I wolfed down after a few too many gin and tonics on Friday. (Hey, it was St. Patrick’s Day weekend, give me a break.)

Even so, I still managed to lose some weight. How? No idea. I have a feeling some of it was muscle mass since I’m still out of boot camp and Zumba until my toe heals. My doc told me absolutely no exercise, so I’ve basically been sitting around, twirling my thumbs. It sucks, to put it bluntly.

When that toe heals, I will be a force to be reckoned with. Just you wait!

No laughing matter

Are fat girls funnier than their size-2 counterparts?

We’ve all heard the old adage that fat people tend to be nicer, funnier, smarter, (insert non-superficial quality here). You know, because our looks aren’t on par with society’s standards, we need to be insanely funny or charming to prove our worth. (I’m kidding, obvs. I’m not really that jaded…I think.)

Sad as it is, the reality is that people perceive you differently when you’re overweight.

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Even the movie and television industries play on the fat-girl angle. There are several ways writers spin fat characters, the first of which is actually pretty common: a) they make the character extremely funny/witty or super raunchy in an attempt to be funny or b) they resort to uber-lame jokes like having the character break a chair or get stuck in a waterslide (legitimately a big fear of mine).

News flash: Not every fat girl is as quick as a whip when it comes to humour (and not everyone thinks a fat girl breaking a chair is funny). Though I laugh at my own corny jokes, I don’t actually think I’m funny. I have a really dry, snarky sense of humour (shocking, I know) and have zero comedic timing in real life. I’m a really bad storyteller, let alone joke-teller.

Lots of fat people use humour as a shield. Lord knows I try to. I’d rather own my ghetto boo-tay and make fun of it myself than have someone else point it out to me. But you know what my main motivation is when attempting to crack a joke? I want to deflect attention from my body and be known as someone other than “the fat chick.”

Superficial? You better believe it. Sad? Yes, ma’am. But it’s a defense mechanism, one that I hope to break as I regain my confidence.

And that, folks, is no laughing matter.

The dreaded weekly weigh-in: week nine

Starting weight – 229.6 lbs
Last week – 213.6 lbs
This week – 213.4 lbs

Total weight lost – 16.2 lbs

Pity party is over, folks! I can’t believe I actually lost weight this week. It was a baaaaaaad week for me. Too many cheat meals. Too many caesars and Long Islands. Too much ugly crying. And no boot camp, to boot (ha).

Yep, boot camp and Zumba are officially a no-go until my stupid toe heals. That leaves me with the gym — more specifically, the free weights and certain resistance machines. On the plus side, I’ll be ripped before my much-anticipated trip to Jamaica next month. (Not really.)

I’m already channeling the Jamaican spirit. I keep singing, “Don’t worry ’bout a thing…because ev-ry-li-ttle thing’s gonna be alright.” Yeah, mon.